If You Give a Sin a Soul
by KalliopeStarmist
Summary: Taking your girlfriend to meet your folks is never easy, especially when your 'folks' are former homunculi. Not to mention, Reg's girlfriend has a secret that may prove more devistating that Envy's wardrobe impairment.
1. Elly and Reg: Professional Happy Couple

Edit of the following Traditonal A/N: I wrote this story in response to one of my friends getting flamed for a crackfic that she wrote, which is why I have a long, angry, anti-flame note starting it out. I have since learned, thanks to all the wonderful reviewers and people that I have met here on that this person was one of those uptight know-it-all crazies that the rest of us excommunicate and don't talk about in polite society. So, apologizes for the next paragraph or so, but, it is part of the original story, so I'm leaving it for the reccord.

Traditional A/N: Several things have come to my attention: 1) anime people are really horrible about nit-picking fics. 2) the FullMetal Alchemist people are amongst the worst. 3) These people HATE it when characters are, well, out of character.

My response: A what-if scenario wherein the characters are supposed to be out of character. That's the entire premise. (Surprisingly spoiler-free!)

This story is also designed to get some sympathy for the Sins. Come on, folks! Let's give them a hand. How many villains want the exact same thing that the heros are after, for perfectly benign purposes, and yet are still 'evil'? (I have a whole argument on behalf of the Sins, but that can wait for another time.)

Last thing. Exploring some forbidden territory here, namely, making fun of Hughes. He's the comic relief character... shouldn't we be allowed to laugh about his tragic demise? What I mean is... don't get a torch and pitchfork and come to my house in the dead of night and hurt me.

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Chapter 1: Elly and Reg: Professional Cute Couple

Picture the following scene: A young couple is eating dinner together at a nice restaurant. Well, it would be more accurate to say the pretty, chestnut-haired young woman is eating dinner. The young man is picking at his food nervously.

The young woman's name is Elly. She's charming, intelligent, witty, and compassionate, and has an accent which, for some reason, is vaguely reminiscent of the 1940's.

The young man's name is Reg (pronounced like a shortened version of Reggie). Reg is a quiet, dark-haired medical student, a little more serious than some. His teachers all agree he has quite a future ahead of him. Currently, he has every right to be nervous. Tonight he intends to propose to his college sweetheart (Elly. Er, duh).

Reg isn't the most socially adept person, but he's seen a few trite romance movies in his day, and, following the experts, he goes with the Stop, Drop, and Pop method. He Stops the conversation, Drops to one knee, and Pops the question. Elly is a little surprised, but utterly delighted, and the now-engaged couple find themselves in Happy Land.

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At this point, you may ask, "What the FREAK does this have to do with anything?" Trust me just a little longer, and please keep reading.

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"We'll have to visit Mummy and tell her, of course. She'll be oh-so happy. She really adores you, Reg. Do you think maybe we could go up next week?" Elly asked happily over desert. Reg nodded agreeably. He liked Elly's mom, and had ever since Elly had dragged him home for the holidays last winter. And even if he hadn't liked her, he would still have gone, just to make Elly happy.

"Reg, dear, I've just realized!" In a fit of concern, Elly set down her fork, a piece of chocolate cheesecake still clinging to it. "I've never met your folks!"

Reg's good mood started to flicker like a candle in a rainstorm. "No, you haven't, but let's not worry about them. I've never even told them about you, and I don't see why I should start now."

"That's really horrible of you, Reg. I know you don't like them, but they did raise you and pay your tuition and all, so it seems like the least you could do is introduce them to your fiancee."

All of the blood drained out of Reg's face. "But... but, Elly!" he stuttered.

"Don't you 'But Elly' me, Reg," her tone suddenly became serious. "All I'm asking is for us to spend a day or two with your family. We don't even have to invite them to the wedding, if it would upset you that much. I just want to meet them once, that's all."

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Still confused? Don't worry. All will become clear soon.

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It was with a heavy heart indeed that Reg entered his dorm room later that evening and dialed his home phone number.

Many people assume that Reg is short for Reginald, but they are WRONG. Originally, he was called Reg because it was the closest name to Wrath they could think up.

After a few rings, a woman answered the phone. "Hello?"

Reg gulped. Lamentably, that was enough.

"Wrath? Is that you, puppy?"

Reg winced, although he wasn't sure if it was from being called Wrath, or Puppy, her childhood nickname for him. "Hello, Lust."

"It is you! How much do you need?"

"How much _what_ do I need?"

"Money, of course."

"I didn't call to ask you for money!"

"Well, what else would you be calling for? We haven't heard from you since Christmas! Lord, you could have died and we wouldn't even know it. Envy's been getting worried about you, you know."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Reg thought sarcastically. He didn't say this, though. He said, "Lust, I called to tell you that I'm getting married, and—"

"HEY EVERYBODY! WRATH'S GETTING MARRIED! Puppy, that's great! What's her name?"

"Elly, but I wanted to---"

"I didn't even know you had a girl. This is why you have to call more often, we never have any idea what you're up to. What does she look like? How long have you..."

"Lust, will you stop talking for five seconds and let me finish? She wants to meet you guys, otherwise I would never tell you about her at all. Is it okay if we come up Monday and stay for a night or two?"

"Of course. I'm dying to meet her. And we never see you anymore—"

Ok, now came the hard part. Reg braced himself. "And I have a really big favor to---"

"WRATH AND HIS GIRLFRIEND ARE COMING OVER ON MONDAY!"

A familiar voice from the background reached Reg. He couldn't quite make out what was said, but he he didn't need to, either. "Tell him her favorite's Italian, and she doesn't like really spicy foods. Oh, and she loves cheesecake." He waited for this information to be relayed, then continued, "And tell Greed her criminal record consists of a few unpaid parking tickets. Tell Sloth she's just graduated, she majored in psychology. Envy doesn't care, and anything _you_ want to know, Lust, is none of your business, so please don't ask. Now, takes care of everybody's interests, and I have a serious favor to ask you."

"Shoot."

"I haven't told her about... you know... about... how all of us used to be, and I was wondering if... maybe you could ask everybody to... go by their human names when she's there."

The words had scarcely left his mouth when Lust was screaming at him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN **YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER**? ARE YOU CRAZY? WRATH, YOU **HAVE** TO TELL HER!"

"I will! I promise! I'll do it before we get married, I swear! I just don't want her to know when she meets you, ok? Please, Lust? Please?"

He wasn't in the room with her, but Lust could picture the Bambi eyes anyway."Ok. If it means so damn much to you, I'll do it."

"And there's one more thing. Could you... make Envy wear something a little less revealing and a little more masculine?"

"Puppy..."

"It's a miniskirt, Lust! A _miniskirt!_"

"Fine. I will tell everyone to use their 'human' names. I will make sure we're on our best behavior. I will even force Envy into more appropriate clothing. But there isn't a whole heck of a lot I can do about his spastic hair."

"I don't ask you to. Thank you thank you thank you thank you—"

"You owe me, puppy. I'll see you next Monday." Dial tone.

Reg sighed deeply as he hung up the phone. He had honestly hoped to simply elope without his bride-to-be and his 'family' ever meeting. So much for that scenario.

Elly knew he had had a traumatic childhood. She even knew part of the truth, that he had been abandoned as a child, that none of his 'folks' were related to him or each other, and that he was the only child in a family of seven.

What Elly didn't know was that Reg's 'family' consisted of the physical manifestations of the Seven Deadly Sins; Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, Pride, and Wrath; homunculi created by a series of semi-crazed alchemists. For years, the Sins had wreaked havoc (and Feury?) upon various people they had deemed 'enemies', and anyone who got in their way. (Greed was still wanted in twelve different cities). However, one day, they had dropped, so it seemed, off the face of the earth.

In fact, they had acquired souls using a Philosopher's Stone purchased on Ebay by Sloth, taken on new identities, and moved to a small town to begin their lives afresh.

It was still possible to recognize pre-soul Wrath in Reg. Sure, the long scraggly hair was now cropped short, and the paper-white skin was now a more healthy tone, but his eyes were still wide and dark purple-gray, his right arm, although now the same color as the rest of his limbs (thank God) still boasted a weird scar from someone else's past. And, anyone who had come to one of Reg's high school track meets could have connected him to little Wrath's speedy dashes.

But nobody had ever connected the two boys. Only the other former homunculi ever called him Wrath, and then only in private, and he could have lived without that, even. Reg had spent his life trying to bury his past, and the last person he wanted digging it up again was Elly.


	2. Meet the Folks

Chapter 2: Meeting the Folks.

"Remember," Reg reiterated for the millionth time as they climbed up to the front porch of his childhood home. "We never have to talk to them again after this, so just grit your teeth and bear it. It'll all be over soon."

Elly laughed lightly. "Oh, Reg. Don't be so worried. I'm sure they'll be fine. Try to enjoy yourself. You don't see them very often."

Trying to take her advice, Reg took a very very very deep breath and opened the door. "I'm home!" he yelled, stepping into the living room and finding only Sloth (human name: Trisha). As Sloth was the closest thing to a mother figure he had, Reg was greatly relieved see her first.

"Wra- Reg! I haven't seen you in ages!"she admonished, giving him a comforting maternal hug as she did so. "You never even call, and suddenly, completely out of the blue, you're engaged! I couldn't believe it! Not my little Reggie!"

Feeling very loved, Reg disentangled himself and stepped back towards Elly. "Trish, I want you to meet my lovely fiancee, Elly. Elly, this is Trisha."

Reg, scrutinizing closely, barely caught the look of puzzled recognition that passed over Sloth's face. The next second it was gone, and she was greeting Elly like an old family friend.

"I can't tell you how glad I am to meet you! And to think he wasn't even going to introduce us! You're going to have to drag him out here more often. We miss him so much."

"I'll be sure to do that, ma'am," Elly promised.

"Please, call me Trish. You're family, after all." Sloth seemed to remember something, she turned to Reg again, "while I'm thinking of it, Boris wanted to see you about something."

Reg nodded and snuck off towards the kitchen, Elly in close pursuit.

-------

When the Sins first got their souls and moved on, Lust, Envy, and Sloth all tried their hand at making good ol' down home, wholesome meals. Every one of them folded quickly after discovering that chopping vegetables is much harder when your flesh doesn't regenerate itself instantly. As a result of their culinary escapades, all of them had heavily scarred fingers, and for the first few years, they survived primarily on pizza and Chinese take-out.

They probably would have all died of malnutrition if Gluttony hadn't learned how to cook.

It had long been Gluttony's (human name: Boris) dream to be able to cook, but he had never gotten far, because he kept eating the ingredients and equipment before he could assemble them into some type of meal. However, armed with a soul and a cookbook, he quickly became a master chef.

Gluttony never talked much, and certainly never posed a threat to young Wrath's mental well-being, and for that reason, he was easily Reg's favorite 'relative'.

When Elly and Reg entered the kitchen, Gluttony was stirring an excellent-looking white sauce and humming a song about vegetables to himself. Reg immediately ran up behind him and threw his arms around his neck. "Guess who?"

"Reg? Hey, I have a question for you. This girl isn't a vegetarian, is she?"

Elly, still standing in the background, and much amused that Reg was so happy to be home after all the fuss he had made, answered, "No, I'm not."

Gluttony spun around, looking both surprised and relieved. "Oh, good. There's chicken in the sauce... Reg said you liked Italian, so it's just pasta, nothing special..."

Reg prodded the back of his friend/relative's head playfully. "There you go with the modesty again. Nothing special. People pay twenty dollars for 'nothing special' like this at restaurants." He turned back to Elly. "This is our resident genius, Gl- Boris. Boris, may I introduce Elysia?"

Elly nodded a greeting, but Gluttony didn't seem to notice. Instead he motioned for her to grab a spoon from the counter, presumably so she could taste whatever was cooking. She didn't make it to the stove however. She had scarce picked up the spoon when a new (to her) face entered.

"Boris! She just gets here and you're already making her help out with the cooking? You should know better!" Lust hadn't aged much over the years, and Reg was inclined to believe she dyed her hair. But, it wasn't any of his business. She finished chiding Gluttony for attempted overworking of guests, then grabbed Reg and held him an arm's length away. "God, Reg, I can't get over how much you've grown! I remember when you weren't taller than Boris. And you look so skinny. You haven't been eating right, have you?" Lust (human name: Natasha) pinched his cheek and turned to the room's other occupant. "And you must be Elly." She elbowed Reg. "Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Elly, this is Natasha. Natasha, this is Elly."

Back in culinary action, Gluttony had turned off the stove. "Dinner's ready."

Immediately, Reg turned to get some plates and set the table, but Lust grabbed him again. "Don't worry about that! You come here once a year, if that, and you're not going to spend your visit setting the table. At least, not tonight. Tomorrow, we'll talk. No, you go and give Elly here the grand tour. And run up to that damn tower and tell Greg dinner's ready."

The house was an old Victorian with six bedrooms and a tower. Greed (human name: Greg) had isolated himself in his tower/bedroom/study and refused to come out except for meals a long time ago. When he was younger, it was Reg's favorite game to go up there and annoy him, which at one point led to a small-scale war in the household. He explained all this to Elly as they set off up the stairs.

---

But they never quite got to the top, because there was someone at the top already.

"Reg? Is that you?" asked a husky, but effeminate voice that was all too familiar to Reg. It would have been fine with him if he had gone the rest of his life without ever seeing Envy again. Reg closed his eyes and listened to the footsteps getting louder. Who was he kidding? Envy had shown up to Reg's **graduation** in that outfit. Not Lust nor high water was going to force him into clothes made of actual cloth.

"Hello? Earth to Reg?" It barely registered that he had remembered to call him Reg. He didn't open his eyes. Deep down, and much as he hated to admit it, he was still a confused little kid who was scared to death of Envy.

Elly tapped his shoulder. "Reg, darling?" Reg didn't respond. "Ok, I'll just have to introduce myself then." Reg didn't respond to this, either. "Hello. I'm Elly, and this is my pet catatonic, Reg. If he ever speaks again, we're getting married."

"Great to meet you, Elly. I'm Constantine. Connie for short."

Reg winced. The worst argument he had ever had with Envy had been over that name.

"_You can have any name you want! Don't pick Constance!" (This is a flashback for those of you who are confused)_

"_Constantine. And it is the name I want."_

"_Why can't you pick something... I dunno... NORMAL?"_

"_Boring, you mean? Like Reg?"_

"_**That's exactly what I mean!"**_

"_You know what your problem is, Wrath? You try to hard to be human."_

"_**YOU DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH!"**_

Elly's laughter brought Reg back to the present. He opened his eyes.

And glomped Envy out of sheer relief.

He was wearing PANTS! Black pants and a muscle shirt too baggy to be disturbing. He had even, miracle of miracles, taken off that ridiculous headband and used it to tie back his hair into a decidedly ugly ponytail. Of course, he was still pretty frightening, but that was just the way he was. Tasteful clothing was not going to change that.

"You have _no idea_ how much this means to me, Envy," Reg whispered.

"Don't thank me just yet. You haven't seen what I'm wearing tomorrow," teased Envy as one of his hairs worked itself free from his headband/scrunchie with a 'sproing'. Reg just squeezed harder. Envy fidgeted a little. Reg had NEVER hugged him, and that had been just fine with both of them. "Reg? Could you let go?" If anything, Reg's grip got harder.

Sighing, Envy resorted to his favorite Reg-removing maneuver. He kicked the young man really hard in the shin.

"OW!"

"I told you to get off me," Envy remarked casually as Reg doubled up in pain on the floor. Nobody could kick quite like Envy.

---

All the way up to the tower, Elly kept teasing him about how stressed he'd been over this visit. She loved all of them, they would have to visit them a lot more often, etc. Reg felt like he was going to throw up. Plus his shin hurt.

Pounding on the door to the tower didn't have much effect on Greed; it never did. "Greg! Open up!"

Sounds of someone scrambling around frantically, then a window opening, came from inside. In an instant, Reg realized his mistake. Calling him Greg was code for 'the police are here'. Reg began pounding more frantically. "It's Reg! I need to talk to you!"

There was a pause in the noise. "Oh no. What'd he do this time?"

"No! It's me! Reg! I'm getting married!"

Silence from inside. Reg groaned as he kicked the door in. "Wait here, Elly. I don't want him to like, attack you."

He found Greed clinging to the gutter with a knife clutched between his teeth. He refused to climb back into the room, so Reg took the knife from his teeth and leaned out the window to talk. "Greed, it's ok. The cops aren't here. We just have company, that's all."

"Who the hell are you? How do you know who I am?"

Reg checked over his shoulder to make sure Elly wasn't in earshot, then whispered, "I'm Wrath? I used to live here?"

"Ah, nice try! Wrath's a little kid!"

Reg buried his head in his hands. "No, Greed. I'm grown up now." It was only to be expected. Greed hadn't taken a good look at him since Reg was in sixth grade. It was normal for Greed to come downstairs after everybody was done eating, grab a plate, and run back up to the tower. Gluttony did not object to this. "Lust told you I was going to be here."

"Oh, yeah. She might have mentioned something... Envy needed to borrow some clothes or something... But you still haven't told me who you are."

"I have to told you! I'm Wrath! Come on, Greed, try and remember! I graduated five years ago!"

"That's right... you did, didn't you? What are you doing back?"

"I'm getting married."

"Married?" There was a brief pause while Greed readjusted his grip on the gutter. "You're getting married? To who?"

"Her name's Elysia. I met her at college. I'm visiting with her... Didn't Lust say _anything_ to you? About how we're all going by our human names and everything?"

"Um... I dunno. I don't listen."

Reg gave up. "Well, if you want to meet her, we're all eating dinner."

"Yeah, Wrath, be a good kid and bring me up a plate. Lust said something about the police coming by today."

"No, Greed. She said my girlfriend and I were coming today. We're all going by our human names."

"You have a girlfriend?"

A steam gasket in Reg's brain blew. "Never mind. Just come down to dinner before it gets cold, ok?" There was a three second pause, which was apparently how long it took Greed's lone functioning brain cell to forget everything that had happened in the past year.

"Wrath? I thought you were in college. Did you drop out?"

Reg didn't answer. He headed back down the stairs to where Elly was undoubtably starving. On second thought, she didn't need to meet Greed.


	3. An Unpleasant Revelation

Chapter 3: An Unpleasant Revelation

Dinner, was, as usual, excellent. If there was one thing Reg honestly missed about his home, it was the food. But anyway... Greed did show up, about five minutes after everyone else had sat down. He must have climbed down the roof, then gone in the front door and snuck around to the kitchen, because he showed up seemingly out of nowhere with a plate in his hand.

"Where's the Parmesan?"

Without thinking, Envy picked it up and passed the cheesy seasoning over his shoulder back to him, nearly causing an unspeakable catastrophe.

"Thanks, En--"

Reg quickly cleared his throat. "_Greg, _do you want to join us for dinner? Just for tonight, since we have _company_ and all?"

If Reg hadn't been on the verge of an emotional breakdown, he probably would have wanted a picture of the look on Greed's face when he noticed Elly, a paralyzed mixture of paranoia, surprise, and confusion.

Lust poked him with her fork and hissed, _"Greg! Sit!"_ Greed made a break for it, but the others were a step ahead of him. When the final weapon was sheathed, Greed sat. Tied to the chair.

Counting to make sure all five of them were present, and satisfied that they all were, Reg stood up. "Ok. Last time. Greg, this is Elysia. She's my fiancee. We are engaged. We are getting married. Does everybody have that down? No questions, comments, or snide remarks?" Nobody answered, and he took this as a 'no', and turned to Elly. "Elly, this is my family. The End." Following this outburst, Reg sat back down and took a very long gulp of his wine. (He was quite happy to be legal. Especially tonight, when he needed it.)

Sloth turned to Elly. "So, Reg tells us you majored in Psychology?"

Elly nodded. "Yes. I've got a job lined up with a child psychologist."

"Good. Reg certainly needs all the help he can get."

Reg took another gulp of wine. "Well, it's all due to my poor upbringing and traumatic childhood, you know, Sl-Trish."

"Give me a break, Reg," Envy laughed, "I never kicked you that hard."

If Elly hadn't been there, Reg would have argued that point, but as it was, he took another gulp of wine and watched Lust chewing the nail on her left index finger. She had a horrible time breaking the habit when her nails stopped growing constantly, but she didn't have to worry about this one.

Several Years Earlier-

_Little Reg stopped running through the house when he reached the kitchen. "Lust? Is dinner going to be ready soon, or should we go ahead and get take-out again?"_

_Lust spun away from the sink to face him, her hand held up to her mouth. A little trickle of blood was running down the corner of her mouth._

_"Lust? Is something wrong?"_

_Lust shook her head. "I'll be ok in a few seconds, Puppy," she assured him, turning from him to spit a little more blood into the sink. "God dammit. Why does this hurt so much?" she muttered to herself. That was when Reg looked over at the cutting board, saw the finger, and ran screaming from the room._

_"ENVY! LUST IS IN TROUBLE!"_

_Grumbling, Envy, stumbled into the kitchen. "What is it?"_

_"It's nothing," Lust mumbled faintly. "I just hurt myself a little. I'll be ok in a second."_

_Envy turned back to Reg. "Wrath, is this supposed to be funny?"_

_"No!" Reg knew some form of horrible abuse was coming, so he waved the finger frantically in front of Envy. "She cut her finger off! LOOK!"_

_"OH MY GOD!"_

_Envy's shriek brought all of the others running. Not much scared Envy._

_"What's the matter?"_

_"LUST CUT OFF HER FINGER!" Envy shrieked._

_"It'll grow back in a second." Lust muttered, then passed out from blood loss._

_"What are we going to do?"shrieked Sloth._

_"I don't know!" shrieked Envy. There was mass panic. Nobody cared much when they lost Pride, but Lust was the brains behind the operation. They needed Lust._

_Gluttony waved his hand in front of Lust's face. "Er... Lust? Are you ok?"_

_"What's going on?" Greed arrived a little late to the scene._

_Reg stared down at the finger in his hand, then at Lust. "Um... maybe I could..." He started to clap his hands together, but Envy slapped him. "ENVY! THAT HURT!"_

_"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ALCHEMY!"_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because it's EVIL and she'd never forgive you!"_

_Greed turned to Sloth, who was hyperventilating. "Do you know the hospital's number?"_

_"Greed! Can't you ask irrelevant questions when... oh... yeah. We should probably call them, shouldn't we? Where's the phonebook?"_

Lust survived, even if the finger did not. The automail hadn't been cheap, but the nail grew out when you pressed a button, and it could be used as a weapon in a pinch, so it was worth it.

But back to the present...

"So, how long do you think you'll be staying?" asked Greed, out of the sincere need to know how many dinners he was going to have to spend tied up like this.

Reg tried to swallow his noddles quickly so he could tell her they were leaving in the morning, but Elly beat him to it. "We haven't really decided yet. We don't have any real plans, but we do want to stop at Mummy's before the week's out."

"Really? Where does she live?"

---

Reg went to take a gulp of wine, but realized he had finished off his glass, so he discreetly excused himself to the kitchen to pour himself another goblet full and curl up in a fetal position on the floor.

He barely sat down when someone tapped his shoulder. He looked up and saw that person was Gluttony.

"Hi."

Reg buried his face down in his knees again. "Hi."

"Reg, I'm taking this wine from you. You've had enough to drink for one night." In the others' minds, Reg would never be old enough to hold his liquor.

"The pasta's really good." mumbled Reg pointlessly.

"Thanks. Don't worry so much, Reg. We really like Elly. And she doesn't seem too frightened of us, get off the floor."

---

By the time Reg had recovered enough to return to the table, Elly had somehow gotten onto a subject Reg was really looking forward to avoiding. Her family.

"If you want to get technical, my mother shot him. She was almost arrested for it, too, but some evidence surfaced, and she got off."

Reg began to wish he had put up more of a fight when Gluttony had tried to take his wine.

"What did you say your father's name was, Elly?" asked a slightly suspicious Sloth.

"Maes Hughes."

Envy choked on a piece of chicken, but nobody noticed. They were all staring, open-mouthed, at Elysia Hughes. Envy turned blue.

"Trisha," Reg asked, "Could you pound Connie on the back a little?" Sloth didn't respond to her 'name'. "Trisha?" Envy was on his knees now. "TRISHA!" Sloth was obviously out of it, and Greed, sitting on Envy's other side, was in no condition to be doing the Heimlich, so Reg grabbed a pea off his plate and flicked it at her. That got her attention, well, a little of it. "Pound him on the back, will you?"

A few thumps later, and Envy was breathing again. Well, he was able to breath again.

"Did they ever find out who really killed him?" Greed asked. Elly's eye twitched. She didn't like talking about her father's untimely demise.

"A homunculus. Envy."

It was fortunate that Elly picked that moment to pick at her food, because everyone at the table turned to Envy. Another lock of his hair sproinged free from the pony tail.

"Reg, darling," Elly pushed back her chair and stood up. "I'm going to use the bathroom, ok? I'll be back in a second."

Her footsteps faded down the hall a little ways, and then Reg knew he was going to have to have a little chat with his family. He braced himself for the screaming...

"Puppy," Lust asked in a quiet, tense voice. "Did you know you're getting married to Maes Hughes' daughter?"

Reg nodded unhappily.

Lust's eye twitched menacingly. "Is that why you didn't tell her about us?"

"Yes."

"Ok." Lust paused, trying to decide what to say next, but her turn was over.

"Wrath, have you lost your mind? ELYSIA HUGHES? What on earth is wrong with you? Do you have any idea who she is?"

"Yes, Envy, I have an idea who she is. And she's the one I found out from. You could have at least had the courtesy to tell me."

"You didn't need to know."

"Didn't need to know? I didn't need to know?" Reg lost control and threw his plate at Envy, who ducked, just in time for the platter to shatter harmlessly on the floor. "You have no idea how it feels to have someone telling you about her father's murder and suddenly realize that his killers paid your allowance!"

"Well, it's all in the past," Envy started.

Reg picked up his fork and and prepared to stab Envy. Not to be outdone, and knowing how Reg got, Envy grabbed his own fork. Lust pulled out her metal fingernail. Gluttony grabbed the nearest utensil, which happened to be the pasta tongs. Sloth picked up a butter knife. Greed tried to scoot his chair out of the disaster zone and fell over. Reg seemed unaware of the danger around him. "She almost lost BOTH of her parents! It's all past for you, maybe, but..."

Footsteps in the hall. Everybody turned to the doorway apprehensively.

---

Elly smiled as she walked in the door. Everything was perfectly in order. Reg was laughing heartily at some joke Connie had just told him. She liked Connie, and she was glad Reg was enjoying his visit, after all that fuss. Reg could be so nervous sometimes. She loved him to death.


	4. Heartaches and Horrors

Chapter 4: Heartaches and Horrors

The former Sins didn't have much of a chance to talk to Reg alone until Elly took a shower. The good news was they wouldn't be able to hurt him too badly before she was finished. The bad news was she wouldn't be able to hear him, no matter how loud he screamed.

"Wrath, puppy," Lust started gently,"you know we want you to be happy, right?"

Reg glared daggers at her. "There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?"

"Damn right, there's a 'but'. Elysia Hughes!" Envy shook his head out of frustration, and his pony tail fell out entirely. "I mean, how many women are there in college, and you hone in on Elysia fricking Hughes?"

"What Envy means to say," translated Sloth in the same soothing tones Lust had been using, "is that we think maybe you should reconsider..."

"HEY! I'm saying exactly what I want to say. She's bad news, Wrath. Think about it. She's just using you to get at us. To get at me. People who swear revenge can be deranged."

"Of course. It's always about you, isn't it, Envy?' snarled Reg, seriously considering strangling him with his bare hands. "There's no way that for once you weren't involved in some damn event in MY life. God forbid I should fall in love with somebody without your knowledge and approval, right?"

"He doesn't mean it like that, Wrath. He just doesn't want you getting hurt."

"HIM?" Reg lost it and turned the table over. "Protecting me? That's rich. I wouldn't be in this damn mess if he didn't go around shooting whoever he felt like!"

"I didn't 'just feel like it'. He needed to be taken care of."

"WHY?"

The others just exchanged patient looks with one another. It was the kind of pause you get when you ask a question that the other person doesn't really have a great answer for. (i.e. Why don't you go back to the alchemists who created you and have them make you souls?)

Reg, close to tears, broke a convenient chair by slamming it against the floor. Sometimes he just needed to destroy something. "You didn't even know me! You were plotting to ruin my life before you even knew me! Before I was even ALIVE!"

"Wrath..."Gluttony sat perfectly still as a piece of the former chair hurled inches from his head and smashed through a picture frame.

"Puppy, you need to tell her."

"I DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING!" screamed Reg back at Lust, bringing his foot down defiantly in some broken glass. "I don't see why I should be punished for something Envy did years ago. It's not fair!"

"Since when has Life been fair to you, Wrath?"

"Well, it's high time it started, don't you think?"

"Look at the larger perspective. If you tell her, what's the worst she could do to you?"

Reg burst into tears and slumped against a wall. "She could hate me."

"She could kill you," Greed brightly added what he apparently thought was helpful. Reg sobbed even harder. Greed didn't seem to notice.

"Wrath, think about this. We can't act like normal people every time she comes over. Eventually, she's going to find out. How is up to you." Reg was considering that suicide had its ups. "Remember how you felt when you found out about...all this? Remember how you wished we had told you? Don't you think she'd want to hear it from you?"

"I can't do it. You don't know how much she hates Envy."

Upstairs, the water turned off.

---

When Elly got back downstairs, Reg was just helping clear away the dishes from a perfectly orderly room.

"Reg, darling?"

Reg glanced up, about to say "I haven't been crying. What do you mean?" but this wasn't necessary.

"I forgot my shampoo. Do you think we could run to WalMart?"

---

Reg trudged down the main aisle of the oversized store halfway between Elly, in the lead, and Envy, walking in an unusual stiff-legged gait. This was slowing them down a little, so Reg hung back till he could catch up.

"Why are you walking like that? Is it too much to hope you've caught some horrible nerve disease and you're going to die a painful death soon?"

"Fighting... urge... to kick... things..."growled Envy through clenched teeth. Reg hurried over to Elly's side before something (i.e. Reg) could get kicked.

---

Back at the house, Lust was scratching a random design in the table with her fingernail. "Elysia Hughes. Elysia Fricking Hughes..."

"So, how crazed to you think humans get when they lose their parents in tragic accidents early in life?" Sloth asked. "Crazy enough to, say... kill their fiancees? And their fiancees' families?"

Gluttony wasn't sure. "It wasn't exactly an accident..."

"SHUT UP! IT WAS TOO!" shrieked Lust. "They were playing with guns, and Envy didn't know it was loaded. Everybody got that?"

"Lust," Cowering, Gluttony peaked out from behind his hands. "I'm not sure that's going to work..."

Sloth brushed some sawdust off the table. "Damn you, Envy. Why couldn't you have just SHOT him? I mean, he didn't have to turn into what's-her-face."

"Maybe we should take all the weapons out of the house..." Lust suggested, then shook her head. That was impossible. Every room was a small armory. Swords peppered the walls, every bedroom was well stocked with its owner's supply of armaments, and several hidden compartments held a wide range of firearms. In fact, the very gun that had performed the unfortunate Maes' coup de grace was sitting around there somewhere. Lust couldn't be sure, but she thought it might be in the rec room. One day they were going to have to clean that mess out. Maybe she could find those pictures of Wrath in that miniskirt before he grew up and learned better. And those press clippings from Envy's Broadway days. She stood up.

"I'm going to mix myself a very strong drink. Anyone else want one?"

---

Completely in her own little world, Elly skipped down the aisle, stopping briefly to drag Reg to the section that sold wedding related items. He didn't exactly object. She was very sweet, and Reg was very in love with her, and there was so much sugar-coated pink icing type stuff going on that Envy decided to wander off, possibly to find a restroom and throw up.

A display advertised talking Sponge-Bob Square-Pants dolls, inviting him to 'try me, I talk.' Envy examined one with interest, then pressed the button.

"F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for you and me!" pipped Sponge-Bob. Envy tried to clap a hand over its mouth.

"N is for anywhere anytime at all," sang the doll in a tinny, happy voice. "Down here in the deep blue sea!"

Envy picked up the box and shook it.

"F is for friends who do stuff together," continued the sponge.

It occurred to Envy that it might be possessed. He scooted away.

"U is for you and me!"

Busy watching the possessed doll, Envy lost his balance and fell backward into a box full of pillows. He was trapped.

"N is for anywhere anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea!" laughed the demonic toy, its eyes glowing red. (Not really, but to Envy it looked like it.)

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" he shrieked.

"F is for friends!"

---

Sloth took another sip from her martini glass. "So, I wake up, and the house is on fire, and I'm like... what a wonderful world."

"Is it just me, or is the average IQ around here just a little lower than the norm for sheep?" Lust laughed drunkenly. "Did I ever tell you about that Rose girl? Man... talk about crazy. I mean..."

"Oh, yeah. That get-rich-quick pyramid scheme with the fake philosopher's stones. That was a good gig. We cashed in on that one. Shame Envy couldn't keep it up."

Gluttony tossed back his third martini. "'S like Greed always says. Never underestimate stupid people in large groups."

---

"_...Anywhere anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea!"_

"HELP! IT'S COMING TO GET ME!"

---

Lust poured another drink, getting as much alcohol on the table as in the glass. "Yeah, where is Greed?"

"Who cares?" Gluttony muttered, sticking out his own glass. Lust made a fighting try at keeping her hands steady while filling it.

"I may be alone on this, but has anyone but me noticed how much Greed looks like Hughes? I mean, give him those funky little square glasses and a military uniform..."

Sloth prodded her olive around in the glass. "Oh my god. You're right."

"Wonder if they're related..."

---

"Elly! Look at these invitations! Aren't they gorgeous?" Reg asked. For the moment, he had forgotten his family problems. Right now, everything was fine.

"Oh, Reg! Those are darling!" squealed Elly, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "Oh, I almost forgot. Greg asked me to pick up some of that AlchemChalk® stuff."

Reg went pale. "Did he really?"

"Yes. What's wrong, dear?"

"We need to go find En... Connie."

"U is for you and me! N is for anywhere..."

"REG! HELP! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"

Reg glanced around, then saw the hair sticking out of the pile of pillows. He briefly considered forcing Envy to apologize for various childhood traumas, but there was something more pressing to talk about, plus Elly didn't have anything Envy needed to apologize to her for, unless you count brutally murdering her father... so she helped him out.

"Thank you!" Envy hugged her. Reg almost killed him, but he thought that might seem over-protective.

"F is for friends who do stuff together!"

Much to Reg's relief, Envy turned his attention to Sponge-Bob and stomped on it mercilessly. "FIEND! Feel the wrath of the Palm Tree of Destruction! DIE DIE DIE!"

"Connie," Reg interrupted. "We need to talk."

"What is it?"

"Greg asked Elly to buy him some chalk."

That made Envy look up. "Chalk? Like, for alchemy?" Reg nodded grimly. After all they had been through, the majority of the Sins realized that alchemy got you nothing but fake limbs, misery, and homunculi, and the majority were damned if they would ever have anything to do with it. Greed was the exception. "Oh God, not again. Well, if he's going to dabble, the damn recluse can get the money himself, get off his butt, and buy his own stuff."

"Should we tell Natasha?"

Envy stared at him blankly before Lust's alias registered. "Yeah, later. No big deal."

"Down in the deep... blue... F is for friends... you is for deep blue deep blue..." the dying toy stuttered with its dying breath. Reg and Envy walked away, followed by a completely confused Elly.

Through a weird coincidence, the broken circuitry on Sponge-Bob caused it to whisper, in a children-of-the-corn voice,_ "I'm coming to get you, Envy."_


	5. Le Finale Grande

Chapter 5:Le Finale Grande

A/N: Wow. This went over really well. I was almost tempted to make it longer, but that always happens to my stories, so I'm glad I already had this written. I love you, my many reviewers! You all get imaginary, autographed cookies from me! Don't you feel special?

I'm sorry about the angsty bits. I try to leave them out, but there are some things I just can't write with a smile. Itsy-bitsy Wrath having a mental breakdown is one of them. Another is Elysia mourning her father, so don't read this chapter if you're in a suicidal mood.

NEW UPDATE: By popular demand, there is now a sequel to this story, "Trying To Be Human." I wrote it for you, so you'd better read it.

That's enough of me talking.

—

When they returned, Lust, Sloth, and Gluttony were all extremely wasted.

"HEY! It's the HAPPY COUPLE!" giggled Sloth. "We were just talking about you!"

"You were such a cute kid, puppy," Lust elaborated. "His hair used to be really long, you know, Elly."

"Ask him about that scar on his arm. It's a great story! You see, there was this... um... I forget," Gluttony finished lamely.

"You guys were drinking without me?" Envy asked angrily, grabbing the bottle and chugging straight from it. "What ever happened to common courtesy?"

Elly decided not to say anything. She went up stairs to finish washing her hair. Reg tried to take the alcohol away, but he knew it would be a waste. He just hoped they wouldn't reveal anything to Elly.

"Wrath, you know, I almost got married once," Lust lectured with a giggle. "Nice guy. Lenny. Or something'."

Reg had never heard of Lenny, except as a vague rumor. "What happened to him?"

"Left her at the alter. Bastard." Gluttony mumbled. Envy and Sloth nodded in agreement.

"I still put flowers on his grave once in a while." Lust muttered nostalgically. "Anyway, the point is, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and you don't want Elly scorned, y'know?"

Reg didn't know, but he figured he was about to find out.

Lust pointed a wobbly metallic fingernail at him. "Go upstairs while we sober up, and don't you dare come down until Elly knows Envy here murdered her father."

Sloth shook her head. "I never should have bet on Lust."

Reg blinked. "Bet?"

"Oh, when we made hits, we always had a little bet on who would kill 'em first. With Hughes, I, like a fool, had my money on Lust. Week's salary, down the drain."

If Reg hadn't known them so well, he never would have believed it. "You made BETS on who was going to kill him?"

"It was a close second," Lust, ignoring the outraged young man, defended herself.

"Actually, if I recall," Envy butted in, now throughly soused, "it was a close _third_. Gluttony almost beat you."

Reg _couldn't_ believe it. "You... all of you... helped?"

Lust looked at him unsteadily. "Just go tell her. I need some coffee."

Feeling worst than ever before, Reg left to have a chat with Elly.

—

Reg's room hadn't changed at all since he moved out. Posters of emo bands still dotted the walls, the few books he had not taken with him still leaned forlornly on the bookshelf. When he lived there, his had been the cleanest bedroom in the house. (He was a bit obsessive-compulsive.) But now it was coated with a thin layer of dust, a tribute to the others' dedication to housework.

When he led Elly in there, she ran immediately for the little jar on his desk that contained a white dot of light, his pet transmutation sparkle, the only thing left of Envy's once-infamous abilities.

"Oh, Reg! This is so cute! I have a little pink one at home from when I was little. One of daddy's old friends gave it to me." She set the sparkle back down and sat down on the bed (which sent up a little poof of dust) next to him. "So, what's up?"

Reg didn't know what was up. He had never been there. He certainly wasn't there now.

"Don't worry, Reg. Everything's going to be all right," Elly assured him, giving him a big hug. Reg reflected that she wasn't helping.

"Elly, there's something very important I need to tell you, and I want you to know if I had known before I met you, I never would have talked to you and put you through this."

"Reg, what are you talking about?"

"You... um... you know what a homunculus is, right?"

Elly's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Envy."

"Yes, but he wasn't the only one... there were... er... there were six others."

Elly stared at the sparkle blankly. "Do we really need to talk about this?"

"Yes, we do. There were seven altogether. They... we found souls and moved out here."

"We? What do you mean, we?"

Reg took a very deep breath. This was it. He fixed his eyes on a poster so he wouldn't have to watch her expression turn to hatred. "Elly, my family and I used to be the seven sins."

For a second, Elly seemed to die. "Reg, which one of you..." Then she came back to life, angry and terrifying. "You aren't Envy, are you?"

Instinctively, Reg threw his hands over his face. "NO, NO! I'M WRATH, I'M WRATH! Don't hurt me! I wasn't even around when they killed him! I didn't find out till you told me!"

Elly relaxed. Her whole body seemed to sag. "Which one is Envy?"

Reg gulped. "Constantine."

"Connie. But he seemed so nice."

"You didn't grow up with him. You wouldn't know."

There was a pause, then Elly threw herself face down on the bedspread (sending up another dust cloud) and sobbed. Many times, as an angsty teenager, Reg had done this, but he didn't know what to do if someone else did, so he settled for patting her head awkwardly.

"I miss my daddy, Reg." whimpered a muffled voice.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Could I... could I have some time alone please, Reg?"

"Of course," Reg withdrew to the doorway. "I'll be in the room across the hall if you need anything. I'm sorry, Elly. I wish I had known."

—

Pride's old room differed from Reg's in two ways. First, it was kept very clean, even though Pride had ceased to inhabit it a very long time ago. Second, it showed no mark of its former occupant. This was hardly surprising, as Pride had died a week after becoming human.

They barely moved in when Pride caught his first cold. This being the first time any of them had been sick, they had all panicked. He had ended up overdosing on Dimetapp. Reg didn't remember him too well. Pride's room was now the guest bedroom.

A soft tap came at the door, then it swung half open and a now-sober Lust stuck her head through the opening. "Did you tell her?" Reg nodded miserably. "I'm proud of you, puppy. That took a lot of courage."

"It still hurts," whispered Reg.

"I know, puppy. Anyway, I came up here to tell you Deadwood is on."

"**I just told the love of my life that you killed her father, and you want me to go watch _Deadwood? What the hell is wrong with you?_"**

"Just wondered. But, Wrath, Envy's right. You do try to hard to be human."

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" Lust slammed the door shut just before the lamp Reg threw smashed against the wall where her head had been.

"Wrath, puppy?" asked a quiet voice on the other side of the door.

"I'll be down in a little bit, Lust. I just need some time to angst." Lust left him alone then, and Reg fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Maybe he did try to hard to human. It made him nervous and obsessive-compulsive, but he came by it honestly. His childhood had been a good deal longer and more traumatic than most. His own creator had abandoned him; not the start of a good outlook on life. He may blame Envy for a lot of his troubles, but his self esteem had been mortally wounded before. Envy just finished off the job.

It wasn't like the rest of his 'family' helped much. He may have been around longer than Sloth, but even she treated him like a child. The idea of spending eternity trying to find out what was going on behind his back scared him witless. Other kids got games for Christmas. Wrath got a machine gun. Other kids wore cute hideous dress pants. Wrath got a miniskirt. Yes, it was frightening. Yes, it hadn't done him much good.

So, if he tried a little harder to be human, where was the problem?

Except, that little nagging voice in the back of his head that was always reminding him, he was always going to be Wrath, deep down. Just look at the remains of that lamp on the floor. That voice loved teasing him about Elly. She was so sweet and kind. She would never understand Wrath, right? And since he was still Wrath, she could never relate to him, right? It still kept him awake some nights.

RATTATATTATATATATTATTATATATATA!

The rhythmic pattern of a machine gun, followed by screams, woke Reg up from his angst. He ran down the stairs, and stopped dead in the doorway of the livingroom.

—

Greed and Gluttony were already on the floor, presumed dead. Sloth, Lust, and Envy were crouched behind the couch. And presiding over the scene was Elly, standing in front of the deceased TV, laughing insanely, machine gun in hand, headband over her forehead. Rambo Style.

"Oh crap oh crap oh crap..." Sloth repeated to herself. She still wasn't sober. Envy was very pale, kind of green. Not talking. Only Lust seemed unconcerned.

"Talk about holding a grudge," she giggled, risking a peak over the cushion. "Now we aren't going to see the next episode." Yes indeedy. Lust liked her Deadwood.

Sloth grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking. "Lust! Do you realize the danger we're in?"

Lust smiled happily. "Oh, Slothy. All these years, and you still haven't figured out I'm suicidal? I was _created_ suicidal. I wanted a soul so I could die. This is like my lifelong dream. But you're obviously not like me, so here's what we'll do. I'll run up and distract her. You make a break for it."

This wasn't a great plan at all, but one was a little drunk and not thinking clearly, the other was suicidal and didn't care. In the end, Sloth and Lust had ceased breathing. Envy stayed behind the couch.

Elly had run out of ammo, so she threw the gun away. Only after he heard it hit the floor did Envy stand up, arms raised in surrender.

"It would seem you're out of bullets, Miss Hughes."

"I don't deny it," Elly replied casually. Reg couldn't move from the stairs.

Envy advanced, stepping over Greed's body. "I know how you must feel, and the only explanation I can offer you, and you'll have to trust me on this, is your father had it coming. He was kind of annoying." he added as an afterthought.

"_He had a four year old daughter!"_ hissed Elly, blinking back tears.

"Elysia, I know I screwed you over. I screwed you over bad, but you must believe me when I tell you, I'm a different person now. I've changed, and all I want to do is live and see Reg graduate. He's all the family I have left, as of two minutes ago, and I want to see him happy. That's all." Envy choked back 'tears' but Reg knew exactly how sincere he was. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or your mercy, but, truce?"

Elly wiped her tears away with one hand. The other was behind her back. "You're right," she agreed. Envy sighed with relief and started forward, but Elly broke into a twisted smile and pulled out a shot gun.

"This would be a more fitting end for you."

BANG.

Goodbye, Envy.

—

Elysia stared down at the body of her father's murderer, then smiled and blew smoke off her gun. Finally. Revenge is sweet. She turned back to Reg, still standing in the doorway openmouthed. Her smile faded a little.

"Oh, Reg. I'm sorry. I know they were all you had. You must think I'm completely insane!"

Reg was still processing. "Where did you find my machine gun? I've been looking for it."

"Oh, it was under your bed. Reg, I'm really sorry. I wish they hadn't been..."

"Where did you learn to shoot like that?"

Elly paused her repentance-speech to shrug. "Comes naturally, I guess. Reg, I love you. I know you must hate me now. I didn't want to lose you. But... I needed to... to..."

Reg didn't. Hate her, that is. If anything, he loved her more than ever. At least now he knew she could sympathize with him, at least a little. The nagging voice in his head finally, finally shut up. "Elly," he interrupted her broken apology. "Will your mom mind if we show up a few days early?"

Elly stared at him for a moment, then her smile returned. "She's always happy to see you."

Reg picked up his long-lost machine gun, stepped over a piece of brain, and held the door open for Elly. "Well, we should go. It's a long walk to the train station."

Elly skipped gracefully over Greed's body and out the door. "Indeed. Thank you, Reg, darling."

"No problem, Elly, dear."

And with that, they closed the door, and set off towards the rest of their lives.

—

The screen blackens, pretty sound track music plays, and the credits begin to role, apologizing to all those who had violated copyrights. (Includes: Ebay, Rocky and Bullwinkle, WalMart, Broadway, Dimetapp, Deadwood, Rambo, and the creators of FMA) Most of the readers leave the theater by the time "'Sponge-Bob Square-Pants' and 'The FUN Song' are copyrights of Nickelodeon. Used without permission." appears. If any were left and paying attention, they would have been treated to a six-page rant about why Gluttony rocks, followed by an equally long angst about how much the author hated killing off the Sins for this story.

The last notes of the song die down, but the credits are still rolling through the author's thoughts on the Elrics (especially Hoenheim. God, what a horrible name), so some filler sound is needed. (A/N: it's not really script, just a little extra thing... please don't turn me in to the fanfiction Nazis. If it confuses you, skip the italics, then come back and read them.)

---

Elly: So, your name's Wrath?

_Special Thanks to the following:_

Reg: No, my name's Reg.

_Agatha Christie, Quentin Tarentino,_

Elly: Wrath is a cute name.

_The Adams Family, Annie Get Your Gun,_

Reg: You can call me Reg. It's ok.

_Whatever drug the producers were on when they thought up Envy,_

Elly: Is it OK if I call you Wrath?

_The person who invented Greed's glasses,_

Reg: Reg is fine.

_The descendants of Maes Hughes_

Elly: What's wrong with Wrath?

_Sloth, for having a job, and being so non-slothful_

Reg: Well, for starters, it's not a real name.

_The amazing Rando_

Elly: Don't be silly. It's a fine name.

_All of the people who have or who will review me. Ever. For anything._

Reg: Ok. You can call me Wrath, and I'll call you Sugar-Pumpkin.

_The Nuances of Toast_

Elly: (Laughing) Point taken, Reg. (Pause) I wonder what Mom'll say. 'Elysia! What have I told you about shooting up entire households? I raised you to be a lady!'

_Um, that's about it, really..._

Reg: (sudden though) Elly! We ought to cut the wedding invitations so they look like machine guns!

_Thanks for reading... You've been a great audience. Give yourselves a hand._

Elly: (delighted laughter, clapping hands) Oh, Reg, we have to! And we can have bullet shaped favors, and... (voices fade)

The credits freeze on the final words. (Big hand for my Editor, Youkai-girl23, and my consultants, NekoRaven and Groundsquirrel)

The background fades into a sunrise, with a silhouette of Elly and Reg holding hands. Reg's pet transmutation sparkle appears in the corner, shakes its invisible head, and flies past the credits, turning them into 'A Flying Kick of DOOM production.'

Elly's Armstrong sparkle shows up out of nowhere and flies underneath, spelling out, "No homunculi were harmed in the making of this story." And then, in much smaller print, "But we aren't responsible for any humans who may have di... Well, we weren't responsible, OK?"

THE END.

"Don't you dare mention Envy to me today. I'm serious. I may hurt you." -one of my friends the day after Hughes' death.

Just a friendly reminder to read (and reveiw) the sequel: "Trying To Be Human"... thanks!


End file.
